I published an article in the early days of this New Leaf Journal titled “Coffee Fruit Punch” – A Cookbook Abomination. I wrote that article after coming across a 1921 book on Project Gutenberg from American Cookery titled Thanksgiving Menus and Recipes. I will not rehash the full recipe or my assessment of it here as to not steal potential traffic from what I wrote back in 2020, but it should suffice to say that the recipe involves boiling coffee on the stove-top before adding, among other things, copious amounts of sugar and at least three varieties of citrus fruit juice. My assessment was summarized in the title: Abomination.
I have linked back to the coffee fruit punch article on occasion, but I never thought I would have cause to write a follow-up. Better put, perhaps I hoped that I would never have cause to write a follow-up. Regardless, those thoughts were over-turned and my hopes were dashed when I came across a Tea & Coffee Trade Journal headline in my feed reader titled Coffee Project NY launches canned ‘Coffee Palmer’. I immediately understood Coffee Palmer to be a play on Arnold Palmer, a drink which consists of “half lemonade, half iced tea.” Arnold Palmer was of course a legendary golfer who made a cameo appearance in one of my golf articles. According to legend, he did not name the drink himself, but the name persists. But let leave the links and retire to the nineteenth hole. Is the so-called Coffee Palmer what I fear it is?
Inspired by the classic Arnold Palmer but with an added jolt, the Coffee Palmer blends 60% of Coffee Project’s signature, house-roasted ‘Woke Up in New York’ drip coffee with 40% tart lemonade, lightly sweetened with natural turbinado sugar. The result is a bright, unexpected take on hot weather refreshment.
Image from Pixaby (link). It is free to use pursuant to the Pixabay Content License. If you want to use it, I recommend fetching the original since I shrunk and compressed the above copy of the image.
It is precisely what I feared. Readers should be able to guess what I think about this drink, so let me focus on a different point. This drink is not a “classic Arnold Palmer.” A classic Arnold Palmer combines iced tea and lemonade. This war crime replaces iced tea with iced coffee. The lack of iced tea causes it to not be a classic Arnold Palmer. But even if we were to assume arguendo that this drink was a classic Arnold Palmer mixed with coffee, the coffee is not a jolt. When I think of a jolt in the context of a drink, I think of adding something small to a larger drink to spice it up. Back in the day, I occasionally had an espresso shot added to my super-sized coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts. In the classic Arnold Palmer context, I would guess that most people would think a jolt refers to shot(s) of alcohol. In this case, the so-called jolt is an absolute majority (60%) of the completed drink. If your jolt is a majority of the drink, it is the drink not a jolt added to the drink
Similarly, if they put more cream cheese on your bagel than there is bagel, it is cream cheese with bagel or, at a minimum, cream cheese and bagel (similar to cheese and crackers), not a bagel with cream cheese. Many people did not understand this back in the day. They interpreted bagel with cream cheese as cream cheese with bagel. I thought that these kinds of semantics would be too much at a busy deli, so I tried to convey my order by saying, for example, pumpernickel bagel with a small amount of cream cheese. It usually led to an an acceptable bagel with cream cheese. I have not ordered a bagel with cream cheese in years. Maybe the situation has improved now that cream cheese is more expensive than it used to be. But I digress.
According to the Tea & Coffee article, this Coffee Palmer comes in a can and includes water, sugar, crystallized lemon, and a jolt in the form of coffee which makes up 60% of this witch’s brew. In trying to generate excitement for this weapon or drink, the article suggests that it “can be enjoyed straight from the can, poured over ice, or mixed into a creative mocktail or cocktail.” It can probably also be used to bait sugar-seeking bugs to their demise.
While I am firmly in the no Coffee Palmer camp, I accept that everyone is different. The fact that Coffee Project New York went through the trouble of creating and marketing the Coffee Palmer suggests that the audience for it must exist somewhere. If you happen to be someone who enjoys The New Leaf Journal and the idea of potentially lethal mixtures of coffee and lemonade, you can refer to the Tea & Coffee Trade Journal report for links to where you can purchase the Coffee Palmer. I had never heard of Coffee Project New York, but I would be open to trying one of their coffees, provided the coffee is neither fruity nor mixed with any form of fruit juice.
Against the Coffee Palmer
CommentaryNicholas A. FerrellI published an article in the early days of this New Leaf Journal titled “Coffee Fruit Punch” – A Cookbook Abomination. I wrote that article after coming across a 1921 book on Project Gutenberg from American Cookery titled Thanksgiving Menus and Recipes. I will not rehash the full recipe or my assessment of it here as to not steal potential traffic from what I wrote back in 2020, but it should suffice to say that the recipe involves boiling coffee on the stove-top before adding, among other things, copious amounts of sugar and at least three varieties of citrus fruit juice. My assessment was summarized in the title: Abomination.
I have linked back to the coffee fruit punch article on occasion, but I never thought I would have cause to write a follow-up. Better put, perhaps I hoped that I would never have cause to write a follow-up. Regardless, those thoughts were over-turned and my hopes were dashed when I came across a Tea & Coffee Trade Journal headline in my feed reader titled Coffee Project NY launches canned ‘Coffee Palmer’. I immediately understood Coffee Palmer to be a play on Arnold Palmer, a drink which consists of “half lemonade, half iced tea.” Arnold Palmer was of course a legendary golfer who made a cameo appearance in one of my golf articles. According to legend, he did not name the drink himself, but the name persists. But let leave the links and retire to the nineteenth hole. Is the so-called Coffee Palmer what I fear it is?
It is precisely what I feared. Readers should be able to guess what I think about this drink, so let me focus on a different point. This drink is not a “classic Arnold Palmer.” A classic Arnold Palmer combines iced tea and lemonade. This war crime replaces iced tea with iced coffee. The lack of iced tea causes it to not be a classic Arnold Palmer. But even if we were to assume arguendo that this drink was a classic Arnold Palmer mixed with coffee, the coffee is not a jolt. When I think of a jolt in the context of a drink, I think of adding something small to a larger drink to spice it up. Back in the day, I occasionally had an espresso shot added to my super-sized coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts. In the classic Arnold Palmer context, I would guess that most people would think a jolt refers to shot(s) of alcohol. In this case, the so-called jolt is an absolute majority (60%) of the completed drink. If your jolt is a majority of the drink, it is the drink not a jolt added to the drink
Similarly, if they put more cream cheese on your bagel than there is bagel, it is cream cheese with bagel or, at a minimum, cream cheese and bagel (similar to cheese and crackers), not a bagel with cream cheese. Many people did not understand this back in the day. They interpreted bagel with cream cheese as cream cheese with bagel. I thought that these kinds of semantics would be too much at a busy deli, so I tried to convey my order by saying, for example, pumpernickel bagel with a small amount of cream cheese. It usually led to an an acceptable bagel with cream cheese. I have not ordered a bagel with cream cheese in years. Maybe the situation has improved now that cream cheese is more expensive than it used to be. But I digress.
According to the Tea & Coffee article, this Coffee Palmer comes in a can and includes water, sugar, crystallized lemon, and a jolt in the form of coffee which makes up 60% of this witch’s brew. In trying to generate excitement for this weapon or drink, the article suggests that it “can be enjoyed straight from the can, poured over ice, or mixed into a creative mocktail or cocktail.” It can probably also be used to bait sugar-seeking bugs to their demise.
While I am firmly in the no Coffee Palmer camp, I accept that everyone is different. The fact that Coffee Project New York went through the trouble of creating and marketing the Coffee Palmer suggests that the audience for it must exist somewhere. If you happen to be someone who enjoys The New Leaf Journal and the idea of potentially lethal mixtures of coffee and lemonade, you can refer to the Tea & Coffee Trade Journal report for links to where you can purchase the Coffee Palmer. I had never heard of Coffee Project New York, but I would be open to trying one of their coffees, provided the coffee is neither fruity nor mixed with any form of fruit juice.
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