Justin and Justina are two fictional, similarly-named Brooklyn-based friends, who make up The New Leaf Journal’s resident dialogue duo. This is our 57th full Justin and Justina dialogue.
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Justin and Justina are a fictional New Leaf Journal dialogue duo created by New Leaf Journal editor Nicholas A. Ferrell. Their dialogues cover their strange, sometimes random conversations (usually) in Brooklyn, New York. If you enjoy this dialogue, you can find many (over 50) more in our Justin and Justina Collection hub.
Today is April 1, 2025. Justina, having the day off for one reason or another, ventures outdoors to meet Justin near his home. Justin emerges with a bag. What could be in the bag? Might it have something to do with the fact that today is April Fools Day? Let us find out.
The Dialogue
Justina is walking to meet Justin. She tells Justin via text message that she is just about at their meeting spot near his home. She then reads his response.
I have a surprise for you.
Justina is excited. She likes surprises. But then she notes the date displayed prominently on her iPhone home screen. April 1, 2025. Oh no. April Fools. Justina forgot about that. Justina was still bitter about losing a battle of wits against Justin on the 2022 edition of April Fools. But what if he had a nice surprise this time? To be sure, most of Justin’s surprises are dumb. But hope dies last, or so it does for Justina. As she thought about these things, Justin came into view – holding a paper bag. They exchanged greetings before Justin spoke.
“So as I said, I have a surprise for you,” said Justin.
“This had better not be an April Fools joke,” replied Justina with barely concealed suspicion.
“It’s nothing of the sort! It is in fact responsive to your clearly expressed desires.”
Justina was suspicious. Why was she suspicious? First, she was dealing with Justin. Second, his haughty tone set off alarm bells. Thirdly, had she even told Justin that she desired something? She certainly had not done so via snail mail. She decided to wait for Justin to continue.
“So you told me that you want to be hip, one of the cool kids.”
Justina pondered before nodding: “I have said that before, yes. But it was a phase. A phase! I now only want to be hip about three days per week.” To be sure, Justin’s recollection of things Justina had said was over the target. But far from ameliorating Justina’s unease, Justin’s recollection amplified it. How so? Justina distinctly remembers Justin having once almost convinced her to take a fallen street sign home because it was what all the kids were doing. This one stings a little since it is Justina, not Justin, who is more likely to be on top of what the kids are up to on social media. (Assuming arguendo kids means millennials in their 30s.)
“I did my research and I determined that what is hip is green drinks with kale and spinach. You see people – usually women but sometimes men who want a break from Soylent – walking around with green drinks all the time, right?”
Justina nodded.
“Why do you always see them walking around with green drinks?”
Justina was taken aback by how inane this question was. Did they not just agree that the weird green drinks are popular? “Because they’re popular?” Justina said in a way suggesting that she was unsure of her answer by the time she hit popular.
“Wrong!” exclaimed Justin. “Think about seeing. You see the green drinks because they are always in clear cups or tumblers.”
Justina digested this information while Justin continued.
“Think about it. No one has any special concern whether their DR. PEPPER is in a clear cup or an expanded polystyrene foam cup. In that case it’s about the wholesome, all natural, bubbly goodness that is Dr. Pepper.”
Justina has never had Dr. Pepper, but she decides to continue listening instead or chiming in with her life story.
“But people do care if they’re having a kale, wheat grass, and beet shake. What’s the point of drinking that concoction unless everyone knows you’re drinking it. Sounds even more pointless that being gluten intolerant in silence.”
Justina was surprised to find herself agreeing with Justin. She never thought too deeply about the weird green drinks women in brand-name leggings were chugging in the upscale Brooklyn neighborhoods. (She did once try an iced matcha latte but decided she preferred hot matcha tea without the latte.) But why would anyone order, much less drink, a $10 kale drink unless they could make sure everyone knew that was what they were doing? Now Justina submits for the record that she has nothing against kale. Kale is good. Green leafy vegetables are good. But it is food, right? Not a beverage. It is not supposed to be in a smoothie. Justina then had a question:
“Wait do people really have kale, wheat grass, and beet smoothies?”
She emphasized beet. Reed into that what you will.
“I don’t know. Probably. I know they like kale and wheat grass.” Justin replied as if he were dismissing mere technicalities.
“I guess this makes sense. So if I walk around with a green drink will everyone look at me and think I’m cool?” Justina asked earnestly.
“Yes. You might even get recruited for Pilates.”
“Wait, they recruit people for Pilates? I thought you had to sign up or something.”
Justina’s question caused Justin to pause and gather his thoughts. Justina noticed this. She was proud of herself. How often does Justin need a moment to think about his next line of nonsense?
“I don’t know. Probably. No one is recruiting me to join Pilates. I figure it’s kind of like how the nice guys in bow ties handing out hot-off-the-presses copies of The Final Call in the Subway stations never offered me one. It’s as if they didn’t think I was good enough for them – something about me. So I think something similar is happening with the Pilates.”
Justina did not get the Final Call reference. She was about to ask Justin what he was talking about but she thought better of it. “Don’t chase squirrels,” she told herself as she reflexively looked up at a tree when she heard a rustling noise. Instead, Justina used her considerable intelligence – something she does not always wield in our dialogue series – to apply inductive reasoning and determine that Justin was simply saying that people who partake in Pilates are unlikely to view Justin as one of them, so something similar must have been true of the guys handing out this Final Call thing. Fair enough.
“So you’re saying I should buy one of these green drinks? Do I actually have to drink it or can I just walk around with it and get the same effect?”
“You have to drink it – but you don’t have to buy it.”
“I have to make it!? I don’t have a blender!” exclaimed Justina with some concern about the idea that her dreams of being hip and cool were disintegrating into the aether.
“Justina, please. I have your green drink right here.”
Justin reached into the bag and pulled out what appeared to be a clear plastic tumbler with a straw. It held a mysterious green liquid of uncertain origin.
“Gasp! I have a cool green drink now!” Justina said excitedly as she took it from Justin. “But do I have to drink it? What is it? What are you giving to me! I’m scared!”
“Fear not, Justina.” Justin reached into his bag and pulled out what appeared to be an identical tumbler.
“You have one too! We’re like cool twins!” Justina said excitedly, briefly casting aside her apprehension.
“We have the same hip green drink – they come from the same batch. So we need to slowly sip these as we walk around in public so that people think we are cool.”
“That makes sense,” replied Justina, notwithstanding that this only makes sense to someone who possesses a strong will to make sense of it.
Justin and Justina started walking, holding their drinks. About two minutes later, they reached a street with a decent number of people.
“Alright, now it’s time for us to drink. We have to drink to be cool and hip,” instructed Justin.
“I’m scared though. Seriously. What is it? You made it right! You know what it is!”
“Justina, do you think the cool people with the funny green drinks actually know what they are? They just put $10 on the counter, get whatever so long as it’s green, and then hold their breath while drinking. You need to be brave.”
“I’m pretty sure they use Google Pay or Apple Pay,” replied Justina with due seriousness.
“I don’t believe in those,” said Justin.
Returning to the main point, Justina was almost prepared to accept Justin’s reasoning – quibbling about payment methods aside – before she noted an issue that he had almost certainly hoped she would overlook.
“Alright fine but you already know. You know. It’s not fair that I don’t know!”
“Fine,” said Justin. “Watch this.”
Justin took a big sip of the mysterious green liquid through his straw and swallowed it without any apparent sign of distress. “See? It’s good.”
Justina remained suspicious, but she was partially assuaged by the fact that she did not know Justin to like weird food, lest someone takes particular issue with his insistence that fish and meat should be well done. Like Justina, he liked grains, pasta, fruits, and vegetables. If he was able to drink the weird green thing without difficulty, it probably wouldn’t kill her.
“Alright I’ll try it but if it’s weird we’re taking you to the hospital,” warned Justina.
“I assume that’s where this day ends regardless, but it’s good. Trust me.”
“Trust me,” Justina scoffed. She tentatively sipped her weird green drink. Indeed, Justin had not lied to her – it was good. Moreover, it tasked familiar.
“Pistachio ice cream…” Justina said after swallowing.
“Shh! Not so loud!” Justin admonished Justina. He then leaned down and whispered, “No one will think you’re hip and cool if they know you’re drinking a pistachio ice cream milkshake. It’s kale and spinach, do you understand?”
Justina understood. “I see. It’s kale and spinach. It has always been kale and spinach. We have always been drinking kale and spinach.”
“I knew you’d understand.”
Justina took another sip. “Wait, is it possible that this is what all the kale and spinach shakes taste like? Have we been lied to?”
Justin thought for a moment. “I like to think I’m the first who came up with this idea, but I suspect some other people may have figured out how to have their virtue signal shake and drink it too. Not to mention some of them may be matcha. But I’m not into cold matcha drinks or matcha lattes.”
“I agree,” said Justina (something you already knew from the narrator commentary).
Justina was almost wholly satisfied with the state of affairs, but being Justina, she quickly began thinking of problems.
“Wait, I have a question Justin.”
“Yes Justina.”
“Would any guys be impressed with my drinking a weird-looking green drink?”
“No, probably not. Not unless they’re Pilates recruiters. But people will still think that you’re virtue signaling about being hip and thus associate you with other people who virtue signal about being hip.”
“I see. But there’s another problem.”
“What’s that, Justina?”
“It’s 45 degrees right now! Why did you give me a cold milk…ale and spinach shake when it’s 45 degrees!?”
I assume readers will infer that Justin did this because it is April Fools but Justin does not control the weather (or so he wants you to think). I tell you this because admitting the truth would be below Justin, or perhaps above him – it is a matter of perspective.
“Justina! There’s no milk in your kale and spinach shake. We use a combination of coconut water and soymilk. The coconut water is from 100% free range coconuts and the soybeans are from a friendly local industrial farm. But this is 100% vegan. That aside, did you know that today is actually the best day for a cold drink.”
“No it’s not! It’s cold!”
“I can prove you wrong. First, let me tell you why hot weather is the best time to walk around with hot coffee.”
“I don’t want to let you!”
We leave Justin and Justina to enjoy their April Fools afternoon with their 100% vegan kale and spinach smoothies. We leave it to your imagination whether they convinced any random passers-by in Brooklyn that they are genuinely cool and hip.
