I often connect to a VPN to browse the internet. For that, I have a premium subscription to ProtonVPN. It has turned out to be a useful tool in conjunction with my desktop-based RSS reader, among other things. But today we do not focus on why ProtonVPN is useful, instead we investigate who in the world is Proton Von.

In related news, I write to you from Iceland. While I have never been to Iceland, it looks like a nice place.

Connecting to ProtonVPN through the CLI Tool in the Terminal

On my desktop computer, I connect to a VPN server through the Linux terminal. In order to connect to a VPN, I must type “sudo protonvpn c” followed by the specific connection that I want to make. It works well, and once you remember the commands, it is faster to use the terminal than it is to use the graphical user interface, which I have on my Android devices.

There is only one downside to the command line interface tool – typing is hard. I have never been good at typing, and I am not improving now or in the future.

A Terminal Error

When I first started using the terminal, I had a tendency to type “sudp” instead of “sudo.” “Sudo” invokes my superuser privileges to run programs such as ProtonVPN. Sudp makes your terminal laugh at you.

I have been informed by people who are far more adept at both typing and using the terminal hat this is not an uncommon typo. However, while I have cracked down on the “sudp” error, when trying to activate ProtonVPN, I have run into a new problem – the mysterious character of “Proton Von.”

Who is Proton Von?

Who is Proton Von? That is what I would like to know. I seem to like invoking my superuser privileges to boss Proton Von around. Yet “sudo protonvon” never returns a favorable response. Strange behavior, I must say.

Using the cowsay and ponysay programs to try to get to the bottom of why I constantly type "protonvon" instead of "protonvpn" into the Linux terminal
To be clear – I am no Linux terminal master, but here I show that I know how to use “cowsay” and “ponythink” to ask and answer my own questions

Proton Von does sound clutch. You can picture a pitcher named Von, racking up strikeouts with a nasty fastball. It is so filthy that they nickname him Proton Von. Batters swing as the umpire screams “STRIKE, BATTER OUT,” and then walk to the dugout in dismay.

This is how I imagine Proton Von.

(Now, I admit that “Photon Von” sounds even cooler – but my typing is not that bad. Proton is cool enough. It means “first,” after all. Fitting for an ace.)

When Proton Von’s manager tells him to do something, he does it. When Proton Von’s teammates tell him that they need him, he delivers. It seems natural that he should come through for me when I command him to do something. “Sudo, Proton Von!”

He never does, however.

Nothing ever happens when I order Proton Von to connect me to ProtonVPN. I am told that no “protonvon” command is found. Maybe Proton Von is beyond orders now. He does what he wants, pitches when he wants. Maybe his manager ran him into the ground in high school. Too many 150-pitch outings every third day. Burned out. Greatness waxed brilliantly, but ephemerally.

There is a lesson here, I think. Surely the lesson is not that I should type more carefully. It is that no matter how cool Proton Von may be, for the purpose of establishing a VPN connection, it is Proton VPN who gets the job done.