Estimated reading time: 3 minute(s)

When I logged into Dropbox, I was informed by the service that I was running out of storage space. Now, this is not a big issue, for I primarily use other storage services at the moment – Sync and Cozy Cloud. But, nevertheless, Dropbox still has its uses for me by allowing me to read documents in its free version. For that reason, I set about clearing space in my Dropbox folder. While doing that, I came across a couple of draft articles from two computers and a decade ago that I had written for The Emu. As I noted in the introduction to The Emu Café, the concept for The Emu long predates The New Leaf Journal. Now that we have both The New Leaf Journal and The Emu, I figured that it would be a shame to let any past content go to waste.

“Have you ever had a horse and thought that the horse should be a pony?” So I began the excellent content. I never had a horse or a pony, of course, but I can imagine someone having a horse and thinking that things would be better if the horse was pony-sized. For example, say you wanted to bring the horse into your living room, or something like that. It would be much easier of your horse was pony-sized.

The kids from Laura Lee Hope’s “Bunny Brown and His Sister Sue and Their Shetland Pony” are happy that they got the pony-sized horse.

Upon having this realization, I thought about creating something that would pony-size a horse. This needed a creative name – I suggested “The Super-Duper Pony-Sizing Cannon.” Novel name, I know. I always had a facility for names.

It seems self-evident that using the Super-Duper Pony-Sizing Cannon (SDPSC) on a horse would turn the horse into a pony-sized horse. But what would happen if you tried it on other things, I wondered. For example, let us say that you had a clear and distinct idea of a unicorn, and because, as Descartes suggested, your clear and distinct ideas are true, there was, in fact, a unicorn. This is exactly what Descartes meant, by the way. Trust me, I have a philosophy degree. Anyway, I suggested that if you use the pony-sizing cannon on a unicorn, it would “evolve” into a pony with a horn. Some might say that it would be more accurate to call it a “pony-sized unicorn.” Every person is entitled to his or her own opinion, but – as the tautology goes – facts are facts.

Does the SDPSC work in reverse? In some cases, I believe it does. For example, if you pony-sized a pony that had been pony-sized, the pony would revert into a horse. The same goes for using it on the pony with the horn – it would revert into a unicorn. That is what I think, at least.

Does the SDPSC work on quadrupeds of the equine persuasion? I think not. For example, you cannot pony-size a mule or a hinny. It has something to do with the odd number of chromosomes. I do not make the rules – I just report them. One should certainly be wary of assuming that it works on all things with hooves – reports also indicate that using the SDPSC on a giraffe turns the giraffe into a gerbil. I know nothing about the veracity of such reports, however.

As for using the SDPSC on animals without hooves, I have no knowledge. Quite frankly, using the SDPSC on things without hooves sounds irresponsible. If the giraffe story is to be believed, one should be wary of using the SDPSC on many things with hooves. All I can say for certain, however, is that one should not let authorities in South China get a hold of the SDPSC. Although their wet markets were not the source of the Wuhan viral plague, I dare say we learned quite enough about them to safely say that they should not be allowed anywhere near the SDPSC.

That is about all I have to say on the subject of the SDPSC. To be sure, the original Emu project was going in a different direction than the fine establishment now known as The Emu Cafe. Nevertheless, I thought that some of the limited content we began working on it should see the light of day. I conclude by asking you to consider whether this fine content pony-sized your mind – I shall leave it to you to determine whether that would be a good thing.