Justin and Justina are two similarly-named and unusual Brooklyn-based friends. They make up The New Leaf Journal’s resident dialogue duo. Today we join them for their 55th regular dialogue. This dialogue does not take place in person – but over text messaging. Justin is on a walking trip to Ikea on a nice June afternoon. He starts sending pictures of his journey to make his Ikea fan friend jealous. The events of today’s dialogue will be conveyed from Justina’s perspective. Why is this dialogue called Justin and Justina Ikea Seat Cushion? Read on to find out.
(Note: It should go without saying that I actually did go to Ikea on June 25, 2024, on which day I took all of the photographs used in this article. I previously wrote a non-Justin/Justina article about one section of my trip across the Hamilton Avenue Footbridge.)
The Dialogue
(Note: All photo captions are me speaking rather than Justin and Justina.)
Justina was at work. Her phone vibrated. She looked and saw that she had a message from Justin. Justina rolled her eyes, but she was bored enough to be just a bit curious about what Justin was sending in the middle of a work afternoon.
The photo came with the following message: “Guess where I’m going.” Justina of course had no idea where Justin was going based on this photo.
“A park?”
Justin did not respond immediately. Then another photo came in.
“Le Corbusier strikes again…”
Justina recalled that Justin had expressed his negative view of the architectural stylings of Le Corbusier. But what did this housing project have to do with anything? Justina was pretty sure Justin did not have any friends who lived in a random housing project.
“Wait, where are you?” Justina asked. Again, Justin did not respond right away. Then came another photo.
“Nice bench, no?”
Justina was becoming more confused. Why was Justin sending a photograph of a thin, simple bench in an unknown tree pit. He had once sent a photo of a banana bench. She understood why he sent that bench. But what was the point of this bench? How in the world was she supposed to know where he was. Having the distinct feeling that Justin was trolling her now, Justina decided not respond to this message. A few minutes passed before Justin sent another photo message.
“Kind of surprised you didn’t figure it out from the last photo.”
Justina at first thought Justin was sending another cryptic photo of a place she did not recognize. But she squinted and saw something familiar at the end of the path.
“OMG IKEA!? Without me!? How could you!?” typed Justina before sending it with some mix of excitement and anger. Then Justina remembered Justin’s earlier messages.
“Wait… how was I supposed to know that you were going to Ikea based on nondescript photos of a park, housing project, and bench?”
Justin then sent another message.
“I’m bringing you with me.”
Justina tried to decide whether Justin’s promise to keep her apprised of his Ikea trip was sufficient for assuaging her anger that he was going to Ikea while she was working.
“Alright.”
Apparently it was.
Justin’s next photo came about 15 minutes later.
“I’d buy this if it was LampMan but I don’t know about a LAMPAN. What is a LAMPAN anyway?” wondered Justin about the typically oddly named Ikea product.
“It’s cute! You should get it.” replied Justina with genuine sincerity.
“I’ll think about it but I’m a little suspicious of Ikea products with names that can be pronounced.”
(Fair point Justin, fair point. Foreshadowing?)
Justin’s next message came not too long after:
“I kind of like the octopus.”
Justina considered the octopus. “He is pretty neat but I still want LAMPAN.”
A few minutes passed before Justin’s next message. However, there was no photo attached.
“…”
Justina’s interest was raised by Justin’s dot-dot-dot message. Surely this meant he had found something big. She was excited.
“What? What did you find? Tell me!”
“Justina, I have to be honest with you. I don’t think you’re ready for this.”
“I’m ready! Just show me!”
“Are you sure about this?”
“I’m sure.”
“You’re usually not sure.”
“Well I know you’re in Ikea so it can’t be too bad.”
Justin then sent a photo:
Justina stared. Her eyes glazed over. It was indeed a chair pad, but it was named JUSTINA. This time Justina replied with nothing but “…”
“Man, what are the chances. The first thing in Ikea that has a real name and it’s your name.”
“I don’t know how I feel about this”, replied Justina.
“Do you need JUSTINA, Justina?”
Justina thought about it before replying: “I could actually use one but… yeah ok, get two thanks.”
“Got it”, said Justin. “Two JUSTINA’s coming up.”
Justina had mixed feelings about getting the JUSTINA seat cushion, but she felt for some strange reason like it had to be done. “If not me, then who?” she thought to herself, not wholly satisfied. On the bright side, at least Justin would have to carry them home. She contented herself with that thought. She then remembered something.
“Are you getting Lampan?”
“Nah, I’m going with the GRÖNÖ.”
Justin didn’t send a picture of GRÖNÖ. She decided to look it up. Justina had to concede that it was a nice lamp.
While Justina was looking up the GRÖNÖ, Justin asked a question.
“If Ikea were to make a JUSTIN, what would it be? I wanted to be the octopus but that is already named BLÅVINGAD.”
Justina thought about it for a second – but only a second – before responding.
“Meatballs.”
Justin took about 30 seconds to respond.
“As long as I’m not the horse meatballs.”
Justina was confused. What was Justin talking about? Horse meatballs? She searched on Google and found an NPR report from 2013. Justina did a double take and then had to clear something up with Justin.
“The hot dogs aren’t horse right?”
Justin, perhaps sensing Justina’s concern, responded quickly.
“Not that I know of.”
“OK thanks.”
“Anytime.”
Justin did not send any more messages from Ikea. It occurred to Justina that he may have been weighed down by stuff for his return walk at this point. Did Justina feel bad about adding two JUSTINA seat cushions to his load? She thought about it for a moment, just a moment, before saying the answer out loud to no one in particular: “Nah.” Justina then returned to work.
Collection
(Justin and Justina are a fictional New Leaf Journal dialogue duo created by New Leaf Journal editor Nicholas A. Ferrell. Their dialogues cover their strange, sometimes random conversations (usually) in Brooklyn, New York. If you enjoy this dialogue, you can find many (over 50) more in our Justin and Justina Collection hub.)