Justin and Justina, The New Leaf Journal’s resident fictional dialogue duo, have had many strange adventures and conversations on these huble pages (see all of their dialogues). One may think that an April Fools dialogue would already be in their archive. They have, after all, covered the Fourth of July, Christmas Eve, White Day, and New Years (twice). Alas, they were bumped from April Fools last year by my recollections of a 1999 issue of Nintendo Power. This year, I published my April Fools video game magazine piece on March 31, clearing April Fools proper for Justin and Justina to take the stage.

"The Fool" from the Rider-Waite tarot deck, original 1910 version.
“The Fool” from the 1910 Rider-Waite tarot deck (original 1910 illustration by Pamela Coleman Smith). It may as well be Justin for this dialogue.
Public Domain image retrieved from Openclipart.

We find our odd-and-similarly-named-friends taking a spring walk on April Fools…

The April Fools Dialogue Prelude

Justina: It’s cold.
Justin: State of mind.
Justina: I’ll show you a state of mind.
Justin: It’s in the 50s.
Justina: Cold!
Justin: Is that an April Fools joke?
Justina: Oh right, it’s April Fools.
Justin: I have an idea.
Justina: For April Fools?
Justin: I read this old blog post, lost it unfortunately. But this lady listed five or ten things “about” herself.
Justina: Why are you using air quotes around about?
Justin: Are you ready for this?
Justina: Just tell me.
Justin: One of the things wasn’t true.
Justina: Ok.
Justin: So tell me five things about yourself.
Justina: But one is a lie?
Justin: You’re a smart cookie.
Justina: What kind of cookie am I?
Justin: Rocky road.
Justina: …Are you picking a fight oatmeal raisin?
Justin: That’s my favorite!
Justina: Of course it is. So five things?
Justin: Yeah.
Justina: Five things… hmm.

Four Things and a Lie About Justina

Justin: It’s been five minutes.
Justina: I’m thinking!
Justin: Don’t put “prone to outbursts” on there.
Justina: You’d get that wrong because you only know me when I’m with you.
Justin: I have people I can call to verify.
Justina: You and Marie get along too well.
Justin: You attract good people.
Justina: I’m not sure about that… but I do have five things.
Justin: I’m ready.
Justina: Number one! I checked my mail yesterday.
Justin: You’re playing for keeps. That’s too obvious, has to be a trap.
Justina: Heh. Who knows? Second! I like raw parsnips.
Justin: …
Justina: Third! I asked my parents for a guinea pig when I was younger.
Justin: Did they refuse to take care of it for you like I’m now taking care of your guinea pig?
Justina: Fourth! When I gave up on trying to get people to pronounce Arantxa in junior high, I chose “Justina” when I found it on a baby names site.
Justin: You do like mindless scrolling..
Justina: Fifth! I decided that I really want to win! Go!

Justin’s Good Memory

Justin: Four.
Justina: What…?
Justin: What’s my prize?
Justina: How did you not pick the mail!?
Justin: Too obvious.
Justina: …
Justin: Not to mention that when you told me about your real name being Arantxa, you mentioned that you chose to go by Justina because of a “cool older girl who you were jealous of.”
Justina: …How do you remember that?
Justin: To be sure, you said it definitely was not because of that, but I can read between the lines.
Justina: I thought the parsnip one was good…
Justin: It was. But something about you eating raw parsnips while watching some show just sounds right.
Justina: Where did I go wrong?
Justin: Your parents would have bought that guinea pig for you if you promised to take responsibility for it.
Justina: I did! They didn’t believe me!
Justin: Wise.
Justina: Sigh. Ok, your turn.

Four Things and a Lie About Justin

Justin: I received a pink Game Boy from the Toys ‘R Us in Manhattan.
Justina: …Which one?
Justin: I played the violin during a winter performance in high school.
Justina: That sounds right
Justin: I tried to nickname Proton Von “Potassium” but I couldn’t make it stick.
Justina: Why do you do the things you do?
Justin: I was once the linesman referee for an official girl’s volleyball match.
Justina: Who would allow that?
Justin: I have a pet.
Justina: I mean, you do.

Justina’s Poor Memory

Justin: Give me your worst.
Justina: The problem is that everything is believable.
Justin: Really? I thought some were kind of out there.
Justina: They’re believable because I know you.
Justin: Aw shucks.
Justina: That wasn’t a complement.
Justin: So what’s your guess?
Justina: Potassium?
Justin: Wrong!
Justina: Why would you name him Potassium?
Justin: What’s the chemical symbol.
Justina: K.
Justin: Same as for a strikeout. Sick nickname.
Justina: …They made the right call.
Justin: Every one of you is wrong.
Justina: Linesman?
Justin: They pulled me straight from the stands for that high school match. I even made a call.
Justina: …
Justin: You’re struggling.
Justina: Pink Game Boy?
Justin: I also took a call from that Toys ‘R Us.
Justina: There was more than one!
Justin: THE Toys ‘R Us.
Justina: Violin?
Justin: Did play.
Justina: How can it be pet? You have Pumtake the guinea pig. Is he dead!?
Justin: No, you said that he’s your guinea pig and I’m just responsible for caring for him and making sure he doesn’t die.
Justina: …Darnit.
Justin: I guess you’re kind of a pet though.
Justina: …
Justin: Maybe I cheated after all.
Justina: Your memory is infuriating.
Justin: I had to make up for what you did to me with my Christmas card.
Justina: Your memory is infuriating.
Justin: April Fools!
Justina: April Fools… next year… next year I’ll get even.