Justin and Justina, two similarly-named friends who make up The New Leaf Journal’s resident fictional dialogue duo, were walking in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, one day. On this walk, they spotted a very white pigeon eating grains of rice.
(Justin and Justina are a fictional New Leaf Journal dialogue duo created by New Leaf Journal editor Nicholas A. Ferrell. Their dialogues cover their strange, sometimes random conversations (usually) in Brooklyn, New York. If you enjoy this dialogue, you can find many (over 50) more in our Justin and Justina Collection hub.)
Author’s Note in Lieu of Photo of rice-eating pigeon: I took a photograph of a white pigeon eating grains of rice on a Bay Ridge sidewalk somewhere in the neighborhood of 6-7 years ago. I thought that I still had the photograph when I started writing this dialogue. Unfortunately, the photograph appears to be no more. I thought about using a different pigeon photo from my collection as the prompt for the story – but nothing felt right. Thus, when you look at the below image of a white pigeon seen near Brooklyn’s Borough Hall in 2024, imagine that it is instead eating grains of rice off a Bay Ridge sidewalk in 2017 or 2018.
“How does this pigeon make you feel?” asked Justin.
“Huh?” an understandably confused Justina responded.
“Wait, that’s not what I meant to ask. Let me put this better: What do you think of when you look at this pigeon?”
“Well, it’s very white.”
Justin snorted dismissively.
“What? What am I supposed to think? Wait is rice healthy for pigeons?”
“I’m disappointed in you, Justina. These are elementary questions. I expect better from someone who studied philosophy in school.”
“I don’t know what that has to do with the pigeon.”
“Let me ask you another question.”
“I don’t want to let you do that.”
“Is this pigeon free?”
Justina looked quizzically at Justin before answering: “Yes?”
“Don’t answer my question with a question. It’s bad manners.”
“You’re a bad manner,” Justina proudly responded as might a nine-year old who felt like she had just said something very clever.
“Fair,” Justin conceded before continuing. “But think deeply Justina, is the pigeon free. You said ‘yes’ as a question, but what does that mean? What is your conviction?”
Justina sighed. “Well it’s a feral pigeon, right? So it’s free, I guess. It’s not a pet. Its wings aren’t clipped. No one can ground it for eating rice on the street.”
Justin was nodding in a know-it-all way until he heard the last sentence. “Wait, who would ground a pigeon?”
“Isn’t that how you discipline pets when they do something wrong?” asked Justina with genuine sincerity.
“Don’t begin questions with isn’t, it’s unduly aggressive and makes me feel unsafe,” Justin said while shuddering. Justina rolled her eyes. Justin regained the composure he had pretended to lose before continuing: “But no, you don’t ground pets. You ground children who begin questions with isn’t. I can see why you foisted ‘your’ pet guinea pig on me,” Justin said while shaking his head somberly, referencing a story we covered in an earlier dialogue. Justin then continued: “Have you considered that my question has multiple meanings?”
“No. You just asked me if the bird is free after reminding me that I studied philosophy. I said it’s free because it can do whatever it wants.”
“What if I told you I was going to take this pigeon home and give it a pedicure?”
(Justin may have been referencing a real-life story that appeared in these pages.)
“To be honest that sounds like something you would do,” relied Justina with a resigned nod. “But you don’t know where it has been so I’d tell you to stay away from me.”
“What if I told you that I’d put it in my bag and go to a park? You know I read about a lady doing something similar not too long ago.”
“Why would you do that?” asked Justina.
“Think about it in terms of freedom, Justina.”
“You’re free to kidnap the pigeon?”
“Birdnap, Justina. The correct term is birdnap.”
“Really?” Justina asked cautiously, betraying that she believed there was a small chance that Justin was telling the truth.
“No, you can’t believe all the nonsense people tell you. You’re too trusting.”
“The person who tells me the most nonsense is you!”
“Yes, but again – this is serious. Think about freedom as applied to the bird.”
“I already did that. I mean I guess if you steal the bird it’s not free anymore, right?”
“Steal? How could I steal the bird? I thought no one owned the bird. Is that not why you said it is free?”
“Wait. You hypocrite! You just did the question thing you scolded me for before.”
“I said ‘is that not’ instead of ‘isn’t’, stop preparing the hemlock.” said Justin, implicitly comparing himself to the father of Western philosophy, Socrates.
Justina sighed.
“Justina, have you seen the Alex Jones meme about the ducks at the park being free?”
“No. Wait who is Alex Jones?”
“You don’t need to know. But anyway, there’s a meme. Let me show you on my phone.”
Meme text with made up Alex Jones quote:
The elites don’t want you to know this but the ducks at the park are free you can take them home. I have 458 ducks.
“Wait, does this guy really have 458 ducks?”
“I don’t think so but if someone proved that he has 458 ducks, I wouldn’t be surprised.”
“Can I really take the ducks home?”
“That’s not the reason I shared this.”
“Wait are you the elite who’s keeping me from taking the ducks home?” Justina’s voice suddenly carried a harsh edge of suspicion.
“I will help you take the ducks home, Justina, but only after we think about freedom.”
“Alright then…” Justina sounded somewhat unconvinced that Justin was not an elite trying to keep her from turning her bathtub into a duck pond, but assuaged enough to continue the discussion.
“The meme is powerful. So imagine that the pigeon understood freedom. If it heard ‘the pigeons on the sidewalk eating rice are free,’ it would understand this as a positive, right?”
“I guess, yeah. It can do what it wants.”
“But I might understand it differently. From my perspective the pigeon is free as in I can take it without paying. There is no price tag. This isn’t the duck cage at Tractor Supply.”
“Sure,” Justina said while nodding. “Wait, what’s Tractor Supply?”
“Focus, Justina! So the exact same phrase, ‘the pigeons on the sidewalk eating rice are free,’ can mean very different things depending on your perspective. The pigeon understands it one way. I think you of all people can understand a bird’s perspective. I understand it another. But we’re saying the exact same words.”
“I follow,” Justina acknowledged.
“Free as a bird. Free as in bird.”
“I have a question,” stated Justina.
“What is it?” Justin asked with some enthusiasm, thinking that Justina was about to give him credit for the turn of phrase. After all, Justin had instigated this entire dialogue so that he could deliver the “Free as a bird. Free as in bird.” line in natural conversation.
“Are you going to help me get the ducks or are you one of the elites standing in my way?” asked an obviously impatient Justina.
“So that’s why you suddenly became so agreeable…” said Justin with barely concealed disappointment.
“Maybe” Justina said curtly.
“I am a man of the people, Justina. To the water we go!”
Justin and Justina made for the water. By the time they reached the water, Justina had already forgotten that she wanted to take the ducks home. Unfortunately for Justin, her lingering suspicion that he was one of the shadowy elites infringing on her liberty proved to be much more persistent.
