Collected Justin and Justina Dialogues

I have published a long-running series of dialogues between two fictional characters in New York City, Justin and Justina. Many of the dialogues are inspired by people I know or real-life experiences, but the characters take on a life of their own. I have also used Justin and Justina to deliver our annual New Leaf Journal year-in-review posts. Below, you will find the administrative Justin and Justina dialogues followed by their regular dialogues. Later dialogues may reference earlier dialogues, but you can read them in any order as a general matter (I specifically note where one follows from another on the chart).

I encourage you to try a few dialogues and get to know Justin and Justina. Start with descriptions you find interesting if you do not want to work through them in chronological order. I always enjoy writing the Justin and Justina pieces and I hope that you decide to try a few and enjoy getting to know The New Leaf Journal’s resident fictional dialogue duo.

NLJ News Dialogues

#	Title	Description
1	Most-Read NLJ Content of 2020	Justin, Justina, and a certain emu recap 2020 at The New Leaf Journal over food at The Emu Café.
2	The Most-Read New Leaf Journal Content of 2021	Justin, Justina, and the Emu return to The Emu Café to recap the first full year at The New Leaf Journal.
3	Slow Leaf Journal, Outgrowing Cheap Hosting	Justin and Justina explain why The New Leaf Journal planned to move from shared hosting to a VPS.
4	Reviewing 2022 at the NLJ	Justin, Justina, and the Emu (with a guest) review 2022 at The New Leaf Journal.
5	New Leaf Journal Year-In-Review: 2023	Justin and Justina came together for their fourth year-end review article.
6	999: The Dialogue	This dialogue is the 999th New Leaf Journal article. Justin celebrates by waxing poetic about the number 999.

Dialogues 1-10

#	Dialogue	Description
1	The Dangers of Heroism	Justin muses about his own heroism in hospital bed after keeping Justina from walking into traffic
2	The Pumpkin Taker	Justin turns his irritation with people leaving rotting pumpkins out after Halloween into a fairy tale
3	A 5% Chance of Rain	Justin convinces Justina to take an umbrella when there is only a 5% chance of rain in the weather report
4	AD vs CE	Justin has strong opinions against the use of CE
5	A Christmas Present Struggle	Justina tries in vain to make Justina tell her what he wants for Christmas
7	Existential Social Media Misery	Justina tries to convince Justin that feeling terrible while scrolling through social media is the feature, not a bug
8	On Robin Hood and GameStop	Justin provides an explainer on Robin Hood, GameStop, and the parable of BLOB Dylan.
9	White Day Reciprocity	Justin explains to Justina how she can use the Japanese tradition of White Day to make her boyfriend give her stuff
10	The Pitching Injury	Justin’s high school friend, Proton Von, tells the story of Justin’s so-called “pitching injury.”

Dialogues 11-20

#	Dialogue	Description
11	1899 Poem on Clothing Fires	Justina’s fear of her stove prompts Justin to recite 1899 poems about clothing fires
12	The Sparrow in Lowe’s	Justin explores the similarities between Justina and a lost sparrow at Lowe’s.
13	The Fallen Truck Route Sign in DUMBO	Justin tries to convince Justina that fallen Truck Route signs are in with the hip kids.
14	An Abyssinian Guinea Pig Birthday Present	Justina buys Justin a Guinea pig for his birthday. Of course it is Justina’s Guinea pig. Justin is just responsible for it.
15	The Existential Angst of the Yappy Dog	Justin and Justina try to understand the existential angst of a yappy dog.
16	Hot is a State of Mind (and Other States of Mind)	Justin analogizes the temperature mindset to the “basement” and “first floor” mindsets.
17	4th of July Grill Sacrifices to the Spirits of the Founders	Justin’s theory on the true meaning of Independence Day leads to a discussion of the Founding Fathers.
18	A Slice of Pie Chart Life	Justin becomes deeply depressed when he hears someone use the term pie chart in ordinary conversation.
19	Convincing a Google Devotee to Try Something New	Justin tries unsuccessfully to sell Justina on alternative search solutions.
20	The Seizure-Inducing Ambulance	Justin and Justina complain about being blinded by the lights of a parked ambulance.

Dialogues 21-30

#	Dialogue	Description
21	Blinded by Headlights	Justin offers a novel theory on why car headlights in New York City keep becoming brighter.
22	The Weird Statue in Gowanus	Justina is upset that Justin never told her about the New York City Cow Parade. Justin tries to make it up to her.
23	What, exactly, is your name?	We meet Justina’s high school friend, Marie, and learn that Justina’s name is not actually “Justina”
24	Learn to Bird	Justin offers Justina a questionable lesson about the meaning of learning to bird.
25	When the Gowanus Canal Seagulls Grow Thumbs	Justin calls Justina in while she is at work to tell her about his concerns regarding the Gowanus Canal seagulls.
26	You take one end. I’ll take the other. Pink chalkboard.	Justin lays out the ground rules for how to respond to seeing free stuff on the street.
27	Merry Christmas. Who checks the mail these days?	Justina defends her life choice of never checking her mail. She is surprised to learn that people think this is unwise.
28	On Finding Money in Your Coat Pocket	Justin makes the case that finding money in your coat pocket is similar to actually gaining money.
29	A Christmas Card For Valentine’s Day	A sequel to the mail-checking debate dialogue seen above at number 27.
30	The Austro-Hungarian Kitten	Justina asks Justin for help naming her friend’s kitten. It went about as well as she should have expected.

Dialogues 31-40

#	Dialogue	Description
31	April Fools With Justin and Justina	April Fools turns into a battle of wits between Justin and Justina.
32	The Diary of a Nobody Joke	Justin reenacts a scene from a nineteenth century fictional British diary with an unwitting and busy Justina.
33	The Eraser’s Brithday	Justin tells Justina the story of a birthday party from his past. The birthday boy (or girl) may have been an eraser.
34	Pot and Skunk Waterboarding	Justin and Justina smell pot. Or do they? Justin has an alternative theory about what is really going on.
35	How Does Growth Even Happen?	Justin channels Haruko from FLCL in lecturing Justina about the dangers of scanning random QR codes.
36	Car Horn Honkers Want To Be Seen	In a spiritual successor to dialogue 21, Justin explains why New York City drivers like to honk their horns so much.
37	Alpacas, Virus Cures, and Paca Plus	This dialogue defies an easy summary. It touches on a news report about alpacas and a visual novel called Paca Plus.
38	“Skunks” in Staten Island Conspiracy	The proverbial sequel to dialogue 34. Justin questions whether there are really any skunks in Staten Island.
39	Paying Game Boy Dues For a Nintendo Switch	Justin does not think that Justina is ready for a Nintendo Switch. His reasoning, however, is very Justin.
40	Laps Around the Atlanta Airport	Justin and Justina have a conversation while Justin is stranded in Atlanta. Based on a true story I wrote about here.

Dialogues 41-50

#	Dialogue	Description
41	Leaving the Phrase “Reach Out” in the 90s	Justin is “triggered” by Justina’s use of the phrase “reach out,” which he argues should be left to the 90s.
42	On buying Christmas trees in November	A dialogue on how soon is too soon to purchase a Christmas Tree.
43	The Quince Shortage	Justina demands answers from Justin on why she cannot find any quinces to buy in New York City.
44	When real people “tell, don’t show”	Justin reflects on his experience with Justina as he considers whether real people show but don’t tell.
45	The modest virtues of self-awe	Justin tells the story of the ineffable modesty of his high school friend, Proton Von.
46	Dinosaur fight tier-lists	Justin explains to Justina how every boy had a dinosaur fight tier-list. But did Justin have such a list?
47	If you can’t trust GLBSUNION and CUZMAK…	Justin and Justina discuss the meaning of “trust” in the context of shopping on Amazon.
48	The Hang Glider Citizenship Provision	Justin tries to convince Justina that there are special immigration rules for illegal entry via hang glider.
49	On character and dark chocolate safety	Justin and Justina debate whether dangerous elements in dark chocolate can forge character.
50	Anime Case Against Japan’s Population Loss	Justin argues that the reports of Japan’s population decline are greatly exaggerated… based on new anime series in 2023.

Dialogues 51-

#	Dialogue	Description
51	What Ever Happened to Ronald McDonald?	After mocking a stupid protest at the 2023 NYC Thanksgiving Day Parade, Justin wonders what happened to Ronald McDonald.
52	Make it Christmas With a Santa Hat	Justin demonstrates to Justina how just about anything can become Christmas with one simple trick (or addition, in this case).
53	Shopping on AI (Sp)Amazon	Justin shows Justina an Amazon product that has an OpenAI error as its product name and seriously asks her for advice.
54	Free as a bird. Free as in bird.	While looking upon a white pigeon eating rice, Justin challenges Justina to carefully consider what it means for a bird to be “free.”
55	Justin and Justina Ikea Seat Cushion	Justin goes to Ikea without Justina but sends photos from Ikea. He found something suggested by the carefully worded article title.